Saturday, December 30, 2006

"This is a SICK world we're living in! Sick people!"

(Two points for the movie reference...)

No, nobody did anything weird or mean to me. No sociopath slashed my tires or threatened to remove my eyeballs with his elbow. (Okay, I thought of LOTS of gross ways a sociopath could threaten to remove my eyeballs, but I've got a wide divergence of readership, and thought it best to edit out the uber-gross descriptions.)

So why the title?

I am really, REALLY sick.

Severe chills and fever, muscle cramps, headache, outrageous neckache, unproductive cough from lungs of iron, and worst of all, I feel stoned out of my gourd.

I seriously haven't felt this way since I used to smoke pot. The last time I did that was about 1988 I think, but suddenly I remember the delirium. Only this time, laughing would aggravate my neck and head, thus hurting really bad. So I promise not to enjoy this at all.

Keep in mind, too, that I'm not griping, I'm just saying.

No "woe is me because I'm alone," because saying it doesn't change it. Actually, if you think about it, saying it makes you more alone, because people really don't like to be around complainers. (And at this point, at least one person in the world is saying, "Sure! NOW he gets it!")

There have been a lot of changes for me in 2006, which I think would have to be the understatement of the year (pun definitely intended there). But if I dig deep enough, I know that every one of them is my own fault - even the ones that on the first few layers could be blamed on others.

It seems rather fitting to be stuck in bed with the flu or walking pneumonia or whatever this is as the year draws to a close. Alone in my apartment with no one so say, "Oh, you poor thing! What can I do?"

While I clutch my head in pain with every attempted cough, elsewhere people will be singing "Auld Lang Syne," which in Latin means,"Old acquaintances should be forgotten and never brought to mind. Should old acquaintances try to talk, it'll only bring up old anxieties." At least this is how some have been interpreting this since I sort of disappeared in June.

In reality, it's old Scottish and means something like "times gone by," but nobody really knows for sure. So I'm sticking to my translation as being the authoritative one. After all, if enough people repeat it, it'll become truth. That's what happened with evolution, right?

So, if you happen to read my blog and want to send me a cheery "hello," this weekend would be a good choice for that gesture. In my imitation-stonedednessosityism, it might even make me giggle and make 2007 start a whole lot better than 2006 ended up. (I promise to giggle quietly.)

Oh, and here's your "sick world" clue:

Happy New Year, folks. Emphasis on the "happy."